I love to write. I didn’t discover my love for writing until about 10 ears ago when I was desperately looking for some way to release all the feelings and emotions that I was carrying inside. I very quickly discovered the beautiful healing and the peace that can come from putting my thoughts and feelings down on paper. Then, through my writing, something happened. I started to see the world differently. Everywhere I turned there was a story, a moment to capture, a tender mercy, and miracles. I began to see God’s hand in everything. Every tear, every moment of laughter, every head turned downward, every tragedy, trial, milestone, achievement, everything. Over the last few years, I have lost that sight. I have allowed my busy life to blind me from those precious moments. Slowly, feelings of not being adequate for the tasks at hand, feelings of not being ENOUGH, have crept into every crevice of my heart.

As I have allowed myself to believe these feelings had to be true, I felt JOY sucked from my heart and from my home. I long to have it back. I have decided that now is the time in my life for me to begin my journey for JOY. I deserve to be happy. I want to rejoice in the precious, timeless moments that my Heavenly Father has given me with my family, and I want to believe that I AM ENOUGH FOR JOY. I am enough of a mom, enough of a wife, enough of a friend, a leader, a sister, enough of a woman to have Joy in my heart every second of every day. I AM ENOUGH. Join me on my JOURNEY FOR JOY.


Sunday, January 5, 2014

January 5th, 2013 - Choosing to find Joy!

I am tired. My legs ache, my belly hurts, morning sickness.... and afternoon sickness... and evening sickness... still haunt me. I can't sleep at night and I am not the nicest person to be around right now. Pregnancy is supposed to be beautiful, priceless, desirable, and, I believe, a spiritual experience.... right?

Over the last few days as I have started counting down until this little spirit enters our family, I have begun to think a little deeper about this special gift that I have been given. The days have not been laced with joy, and happiness.  The growing pains have not been comfortable and the days have been long, hard and emotional...but...that doesn't change the fact that this experience is mine. I was chosen to carry this precious package. I was chosen to bring this baby here to grow, to learn, to progress and work towards eternal perfection.  I was chosen to experience the pain and the sorrow, the exhaustion, the tears and endless worry so that this little spirit can experience life.  That brings me joy. That brings me happiness. That brings me strength to push on, to enjoy the last few precious days that I get to carry her so close to my heart, protected from the world. 

Tonight, as I sit here and run my hands across my swollen belly, feeling her kick, feeling her move within my very being, I am grateful.  I am blessed.  She is mine for but a short time.  I will whisper her name, whisper 'I Love You's',  and sing her soft lullaby's. When the pain tries to take over, I will remind myself that joy is bigger than pain. I will remind myself that I was chosen.... and she is mine. 

Thank you God for the blessing of carrying your beautiful daughter. Thank you for entrusting her into my care until it is time for her to return home to her Heavenly parents. Thank you for sending me a daily reminder that you are aware of me..... I choose to try harder to find joy in every moment that I get with the spirits you have sent to me. Thank you for giving me the best gift one can receive.. ... the gift of motherhood. 

Juli



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